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12/23/2001 Entry: "12/23 Morning"

I did my new Kickboxing video by Kathy Smith today but only lasted 18 minutes. I am proud though that I at least exercised. My goal for now is to try and exercise 15 minutes per day. Eventually I'd like to be exercising 30 minutes 5 times a week. I think the last time I did this I overdid it and burned out. I was exercising almost every single day. Now I'm going to try and vary my routine more with other types of exercises. For instance I have this weight lifting routine I want to try 3 times per week. Then I will do my videos at least 2 times and maybe 3 times also per week. That should give me a well rounded workout. I am taking this very slowly though.

I am trying to ignore my feelings of blahness. If I let my feelings control my everyday thinking and actions, I would do nothing at all. So I am trying to ignore "how I feel" and do what I know I should be doing. I am also not going to beat myself up anymore if I do not exercise as much as I think I should be and instead congratulate myself for any little exercises I do. My self esteem has taken such a beating the past month or so that I haven't been exercising, and it's all because of my own thoughts. I feel like such a failure for not only smoking again but for not exercising and eating all the wrong things. Well of course, this just makes me eat even worse as food is my comfort. Don't get me wrong, I do watch what I eat most of the time and haven't been doing too bad, but it's times when I am down that I eat even more of the wrong foods. So I will be doing everything I can over the next few weeks to make myself feel better physically and emotionally. The eating and weight loss will follow naturally after that.

Replies: 2 comments

I know you can do it, Leah...as well as I know I can do this myself. I know we're thinking the same things right now, feeling like failures for not doing it, eating as comfort, etc. If we just keep leaning on each other and at least trying, then I think we'll both be ok...and we'll get the motivation back again! :) Hugs!!!

Posted by Crystal @ 12/24/2001 12:03 AM CST

I know how well you were doing, and I know you can do it again! Just keep focusing on how much better you felt, and how impressed you were with yourself!!

Posted by Bev @ 12/26/2001 08:48 PM CST

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