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08/10/2001 Entry: "8/10 Morning"

I had a bad dream again last night. I woke up with my heart pounding and this sense of fear. The strange thing is I can't remember any of it. Usually I can recall my dreams right when I wake up, but not this time. I just know it's left me with this feeling of doom and gloom....not a great way to start my day. I have no motivation to even get ready for work because of this dream. I hope the rest of my day goes better.

I am finally doing something about my weight. I refuse to diet or even use the word as that will only send me to the fridge for more food. I am trying to change my eating lifestyle. I grew up eating very healthy through most of my childhood. Everything my mom had in the house was healthy with very little sugar. I don't think my mom ever bought Hostess anything and for sure no candy, ice cream, cookies, or soda. The only time I got candy or soda was when I visited my grandparents which was usually only on holidays or special occasions. So I swore that when I moved out on my own, I was going to buy all the junk food I wanted! I really craved sweets through most of my childhood and was jealous of my friends who were allowed to eat twinkies and doritos etc.

So when I got my own apartment at age 16, I bought it all on my first grocery trip. I can remember sitting down and eating one cookie after another. That is when my junk food habit developed. Luckily, I don't binge eat. But it's a rare day if I can say I did not have at least one candy bar or cookie or something fattening.

I never had to worry about my weight though until the past few years. Sure I would gain 5 or 10 lbs over each winter, but it usually came right off in the summer. Over the years though I have steadily been getting heavier. I had a huge weight loss right after the tornado due to my grief and was almost at my very thinnist. Then I went back up to where my body wants to be. I pretty much stayed the same weight the entire 4 years I lived in PA.

Since coming back to WI, I have gained 30 lbs (most of it from my efforts at quitting smoking). I am disgusted with myself, and it's harming my self esteem severly. Which is why I am finally going to do something about it.

I started by cutting down on my soda intake to 1 can per day. I'm also trying to find less fattening snacks to eat and cutting down on my portion sizes for my meals. I know I never used to eat as much in one sitting as I can put away now. Thank God I am tall or I'd look much heavier. Believe it or not, some people still refer to me as tall and slender. I'm sure they can see I've put on some weight, but they would never guess an extra 30 pounds.

So I've been watching what I eat now for about a week and already have lost 5 lbs. My short term goal is 40 lbs. by December as I'm going on a trip to Florida to see the Packer game. My long term goal would be 50 lbs. As I said, I am not dieting. I still will eat what I want when I go out. I love food too much to give up the good stuff, but I am educated and aware of what is fattening. So I'm going to try and cut the fat and calories where I can. I'm not even going to attempt any of those fad diets as I know I'll only put the weight back on once I start eating normal again. So Shawn and I are changing not only our eating habits but also our cooking habits.

Did I mention how much I hate to exercise and my lack of motivation? Well, the one thing I've always enjoyed is riding bike, so I'm doing that as much as I can. I also enjoy other acitivities that will be good for burning calories as long as they are not called "exercise".....if that makes any sense. So for now I am riding bike and enjoying it.

Finally, I am motivated. :)

Replies: 8 comments

Leah I could have written your post! I've got about 10 pounds left to lose to reach goal. I've been working at this since the New Year.

I've finally become an exercise lover. I always loved sports, but I hated working out. I've finally found something that I enjoy and look forward to. I do the FIRM workout series, and it's awesome.

It seems that gaining 30 pounds is almost the standard weight gain for most people. I know that's what I put on! But worse than that, is that I never ate BAD foods before I quit! I just replaced one addiction with another... very typical for me. I replaced cigarettes with Ben and Gerry's! Hmmmmmm

Bev has spoken @ 08/10/2001 09:16 AM CST

No Bev, I could have written that post!! LOL We didn't have sweets around my house growing up either and now I have them in the house constantly. I don't go overboard but my husband will sit and eat a whole bag of candy at one sitting. So I try to keep it to a minimum if at all.
I am starting a new way of eating. New for me anyway. Only eat when your stomach growls. When you stomach is hungry and not your head. I'm sure it's not the same for some people but my big problem was eating, just to eat. Or eating when my head said it was time to eat. Also, cutting portions in half and taking sips of water in between each bite.
Anyway, good luck on your new eating lifestyle!! ((HUGS)) ~Julie

Julie has spoken @ 08/10/2001 10:17 AM CST

Ok, I slipped and had to come on just for some good reading. Glad to see your a Cheesehead too ;) Must come on this side of the state and join me in a packer game. I'm a :::whistles with joy:: season ticket holder ;) mwahaha don't I just stink LOL

And diet, well yes, diets stink. Will join you on your *get healthy*, I too need to get healthy. Hope your enjoying the WI weather it's like 70-75 here if that ...Ohhhhhhhhhhhh feels good :)

kat has spoken @ 08/10/2001 06:19 PM CST

Hi Leah, Im so happy for you, I know how hard it is, Im ready to go back to smoking because of hating the way I look :( Good luck with it. I know you'll make it!!

Tammy has spoken @ 08/10/2001 06:39 PM CST

Yeah there's something about Wisconsin...I moved here from Florida a few years ago and gained about 30 lbs. too. Probably 10 of that was from quitting smoking. I drank coca cola all day every day, and I cut that out and am drinking water (and some coffee) and cut way back on the carbs--breads, pastas, desserts... and that seems to help. I've lost maybe 10 lbs. so far. Well, good luck to you! :-)

Robin has spoken @ 08/13/2001 12:17 AM CST

Leah,
I'm happy for you and wish you the best in meeting your goals!! I need to do the same thing and I think your post has motivated me - it sounds like I could have written it too. You can do it!!

Kerri has spoken @ 08/13/2001 07:57 AM CST

Oh Boy do I hear you...I was thin all my life, and then in 2 years packed on 40 lbs. Hubby bought me a treadmill, with I use as a laundry hamper :P ...Just can't get motivated somehow. I too am very tall, people never think I weigh THIS much. What did you do for motivation? *All Smiles*

Sandee has spoken @ 08/15/2001 08:19 AM CST

Thank you everyone for your support and encouragement etc.

As far as what motivated me....I would have to say the fact that I have reached my "personal weight limit". I always knew if I got this heavy, I'd "have to" do something. So I am going to try. :)

Leah has spoken @ 08/15/2001 08:23 AM CST

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