Wednesday, September 27, 2000

Thank you so much!
posted by Leah on 9/27/2000 8:04:33 AM | link

Thanks Bev! It almost seems too good to be true but I'm taking it one day at a time and enjoying every minute. :)
posted by Leah on 9/27/2000 8:03:04 AM | link

Tuesday, September 26, 2000

Well, I didn't get that free moment on Saturday so I'll try and update you all with what's been going on with me. I'm not even sure where to start but I'll just dig in.

I had thought when I left Dean that I would take a few months or a year to enjoy being single again and spending time doing stuff just for me. I didn't realize how dead my relationship with Dean was until I actually left him. I know my feelings for him were slowly dying over the past year or so and I still have no regrets for leaving. That was the best decision I've made in years! My only regret is that I wasted so much time with him before doing it. Yes, I do look at the time as being wasted because I knew it would not work or last. I wasn't even in denial! I still had hopes though that we'd work things out.

Anyway, so I am dating someone. He was my first adult love. He was the *one* only the timing for our relationship wasn't right. I dated him shortly after Tim and I split up years and years ago. His name is Shawn, and he was the absolute love of my life!! We got along wonderfully and dated in the early 90's for approximately 3 years. We broke up because I wanted to settle down and get married, but he wasn't ready. We were both very young.

Apparently, over the years, Shawn has come to the realization that I was the *one* for him, and that he was in love with me. He's done his share of dating but always knew they were not right for him.

Shawn is the one person who can make me laugh, even after all the trials I've endured. He was always so much fun to be with and encourages me to try new things that I would never try on my own...such as golfing, eating exotic foods, etc. He doesn't have a controlling bone in his body and no temper at all. He is the most optimistic person I've ever met. He is a super person. I can do whatever I want with my time and he encourages me to do it too!

So anyway, I moved back to WI in the beginning of August after getting out of a bad relationship with Dean. I met up with one of my best friend's here in WI and she informed me right away that Shawn was single and wanted to call me. I told her to go ahead and give him my number. I can't even tell you how excited and nervous I was knowing he would call. I hadn't spoken with him since shortly after the tornado back in 1996. So he called and we agreed to meet up with each other again. I made plans with my friend, Angie, and Shawn was going to meet us there. All my feelings for him came rushing back the instant I saw him! I knew he felt the same, but had no idea how much he did miss me...until later that evening.

We all hung out for awhile and then went back to his apartment to talk. At one point during the evening, I slipped outside to smoke a cigg. as I knew everyone around me hated the smoking. Shawn came outside and sat next to me on the front porch. The next thing I know he confessed that he was in love with me and that he always was. I was stunned!!! I was thrilled and almost felt as if I were dreaming as he had never told me that before all those years ago. He was very emotional (crying) and explained that he's been in love with me for years and just wanted me to know it as I keep moving away. He asked if there was any chance for *us*. I said yes, though I did tell him how much he hurt me years ago. He broke my heart! Though dating him again was something I've fantasized for years. I really didn't think it would ever happen though as I figured he had moved on.

So we are dating again. He is wonderful! He is the complete opposite of Dean, and I love that. He is kind, caring, and considerate of me...for a change. He is a genuinely nice person and so much more mature than I remembered. He still makes me laugh like no one ever has. We are having so much fun together. We are double dating with my friends here and his and having a blast!! Dean would never take me on a double date as he was so antisocial. Anyway, being back together with Shawn is a complete dream come true for me. He is calling me every day and we are seeing each other for a couple hours almost every day. I'm in Heaven. I am so happy, I just can't believe it. What's really sad is I'm waiting for something bad to happen. Everything is just going too good that I find myself fearing something horrible will happen to mess it all up. I'm not usually so pessimistic but with everything that happened in my life, I can't help but worry a little.

I have so much more to say but can't seem to find the right words to explain how this thing with Shawn is making me feel. I can't even begin to describe the depth of emotions I feel for him and have always felt. A small part of me has always loved him, and I knew he was always the one for me. I honestly never thought it would happen though so I gave up many years ago. During that time I had gotten back with Tim and made the best of it. I loved Tim very much also as he was my first love...my high school sweetheart. But still after he died, I still had feelings for Shawn also. It was very confusing for me. I feel like I'm rambling and hope this is making sense.

I will quickly summarize my life as I don't want anyone to get the wrong idea. I dated Tim in high school for approximately 5 years. We had Jesse. We got married when Jesse was 3 and divorced shortly after that. I didn't date anyone for 2 years. Then I met Shawn and fell madly in love and we dated almost 3 yeas. We broke up because he didn't want to settle down, while I did. Eventually, I got back together with Tim and we remarried and moved to Arkansas. Then a year later he was killed along with my son. Then I dated Dean for a few years, and now here I am back in WI dating Shawn. What a life, huh.

My family loves Shawn and always has. You can tell by the way he treats me how much he loves and cares for me. I am trying to take things slowly though I do know in my heart that he is and always will be the best thing I've ever had.

I will close by saying being back with Shawn is like my most romantic fairy tale coming to life. It's incredible and so unbelievable!
posted by Leah on 9/26/2000 6:59:01 AM | link

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